tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953907502288839119.post8473987905725616260..comments2023-05-19T04:01:44.209-07:00Comments on The Life Art of Julia Claire Wallace.: The death of a friendship - performed by Julia Claire Wallace April 2009Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00572097151551714693noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953907502288839119.post-29946062686945991922009-06-30T12:42:29.414-07:002009-06-30T12:42:29.414-07:00dear friendship,
again i am here, wondering if yo...dear friendship,<br /><br />again i am here, wondering if you can be revived, wishing you werent gone, <br /><br />i miss you.<br />i miss you.<br />i miss you. <br /><br />i thought about laying flowers at your plaque today but i don't have any money and i cant think of any flowers to pick. <br /><br />maybe i am just too lazy.<br /><br />you were such a strong and beautiful thing, now that you are gone, i can see the reinforcement that you gave to parts of me that aren't appreciated by anyone but nancy. <br /><br />i wrote a long journal entry today<br />about yesterday<br />when i found yet another painful detail about your passing<br />that made me hurt so so badly<br />and hearing more criticism about the part i played in your death by another friend...<br />another friend<br />another fight <br />more crying about unappreciated giving and love<br />familiar.<br />is this a cycle? <br /><br />are all of my friendships going to die? <br />it makes me hurt so much to contemplate this.<br /><br />do i kill all of my friendships?<br />is this my fault? <br />was your death entirely my fault?<br /><br />i want to believe in myself<br />and be willing to change whatever <br />i need to change<br />at the same time. <br /><br />i need to know what to believe in<br />and know what to change. <br /><br />i wrote a letter to nancy last week<br />saying i wish we could start something new<br />a new relationship<br />i missed you.<br /><br />i didn't send it,<br />i wasn't ready, <br />part of me just doesn't want to bother her anymore<br />i don't feel like any of my effort has been <br />welcomed<br />appreciated<br />wanted.<br /><br />but i thought i would try one more time<br />i thought i had the strength to love her<br />without resentment<br />without pain<br />without disappointment<br />without fear<br /><br />but after seeing what i saw yesterday<br />the pain came rushing back. <br /><br />you are gone.<br />you are gone.<br />you are gone. <br />i miss you. <br />i loved you.<br />i still do. <br /><br />i wish i hadn't been angry.<br />i wish i would have listened <br />without being defensive.<br />i wish i could've just listened.<br /><br />i am so so so<br />sorry for being part of your death,<br />you were such an amazing thing.<br /><br />i don't want to let anything else die<br />the way you did<br />i want control<br />i want humbleness<br />i want the ability to see the big picture<br />i want the ability to hold onto pain<br />instead of letting it turn to anger.<br /><br />atleast that is one good thing that has come from your death,<br /><br />i have learned the preciousness of a friendship,<br />and how it is more valuable than any short lived satisfaction from a good come back, a spiteful retort, the feeling of being right, the feeling of being wronged, the hot energy of anger...<br /><br />once again<br />i have to say it<br />i miss you<br />i miss you<br />i miss you<br /><br />love,<br />juliaJuliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00572097151551714693noreply@blogger.com