An exploration of Insanity: Performed by Julia Claire Wallace on December 9-10, 2007

It is important to note that this is one performance in a series influenced by the decision to take birth control pills.

Julia Claire Wallace was at home and ready to go out at 7 pm on Sunday, December tenth. She called her friend Heili, but she did not answer.

She decided to take a nap and wake up around party time. She woke up at 11:45 and texted local artist Patrick O'brien Doyle and local designated driver and party thrower Mishaal. The texts were influenced by the fact that no phone calls or texts have been answered by either of these Houstonians in about a week.

The text to Patrick read:
Patrick! Are you mad at me? If not-Are you going out tonight? If you are- I will have to track you down and force some art therapy on you.

She spent her time by cooking some dinner (fettuccine alfredo) and talking to Los Angeles artist and former boyfriend Chason Chaffin on the internet.

A feeling of discomfort grew as her texts continued to go unanswered. She sent one more to the two boys reading:

Are you guys ignoring me! Why?? Tell me! Does everyone hate me or is it just the pills I am taking! I can't tell! Ah!!!

She watched M.A.S.H. and awaited an answer. As none came she began to feel herself reaching a kind of panic. She was vaguely aware that this was silly, but the voice telling her so was very quiet compared to the intensity of her panic. She debated in her mind the various reasons that there could be anger within their hearts.

Eventually she decided she would go out to the bars and look for them despite the small chance she had of finding them and the late hour (1:45 am).

She arrived at the local hipster bar, a favorite location of the boys. She walked in feeling very self conscious being alone, and entering the bar so close to last call.

She did not see the boys. She went to bathroom and washed her hands, because she felt like they smelled funny, and it was nice to have something to do besides look around. Then she decided to look around upstairs but as she began to walk up them, she realized that there was a velvet rope blocking the stairs. She had just walked into it, and that was extremely embarrassing. She laughed at herself and quickly exited the building feeling terribly silly.

Then she decided that she would just drive by the artist Patrick O'brien Doyle's place of residence just in case she could see his head in the window. She daydreamed that maybe she could call up to him and they could work this little misunderstanding out. The feeling of panic was much stronger now, and no voice of reason could be heard.

She drove down his street and U-turned so she could drive directly by his apartment. She craned her neck and tried to see into his window when she caught the glance of a man at the neighboring bar looking at her like she was completely insane.

She quickly realized that if a man sitting at a bar watching her drive by could tell that she was insane, then she must be acting VERY INSANE. She decided to go home and stop being crazy. She called Chason, related her actions, and he agreed whole heartedly that she should go home and stop acting insane.

So she went home, and got onto the internet. The panic was still present, and so she committed one last act of insanity. An email that read like this:


Patrick,

OMG.

maybe i am crazy, but maybe you are mad at me.

is it because i said i might not talk to you anymore?
because i do want to talk to you more, i was just doing that thing where i run away from people, and i dont want to do that, and thats why i am still talking to you. its easy to run away, but i dont want to i want to be friends friends friends! are you cutting me off for saying it, like you cut off your brother for saying that you wouldnt be friends? And I dont want you to run away either. i wont let you run away from me. if you tell me to leave, i will, but i wont let you hide from me, Patrick Doyle!!!

maybe youre just really busy? or you dont have your phone?

is it because i posted stuff about you online on my new blog?
because i can take that off. i tried to make it anonymous, but maybe it didnt work. i can understand how that would really piss you off.... i didnt mean to, please forgive me? if it makes you mad TELL ME!

are you mad because i called it life art? I did that as a tribute to you, it occurs to me that it might seem like i am stealing your thing, but i thought since everyone in the sixties stole your thing, that it was like a wonderful patrick tribute to reference life art in my blog.

everyone in participation art is pissed at me and nancy!!! (edit: information withheld due to controversial issues that do not need to be discussed in the blog o sphere) I think this is increasing my paranoia about you being mad at me!

But you havent answered any of my texts? and neither has mishaal? usually mishaal answers.... did you tell him i said he was boring? because i dont REALLY feel like he is boring, i mean, i am fully aware that its just as much MY fault when situations i am in are boring. mishaal is great, dont make him hate me.
but maybe you just both didnt have your phones, and maybe you are just being you and not being contactable, which is totally cool just TELL ME IF YOURE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASEEEE

i was kidding about wanting out of your friend circle, i was joking. i love all of you. youre all beautiful.

DONT HATE ME!
PLEASE DONT HATE ME.

I AM SERIOUS, I will continue to go crazier and crazier until you answer me.
so please answer me.

love,

julia claire wallace.


p.s. pills? is this the pills? i dont know! is this abnormal behavior? maybe its just artist behavior? i think it really is the pills a little bit, but i think i might be embracing the craziness with a little too much of myself. maybe artists who do not see the need to act normally should not be taking shit that fucks with their hormones. ARE YOU MAD AT ME??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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Then she stayed up late working on a drawing and wondering if the boys were angry and if so why. She also emailed Nancy Douthey the email that she sent Patrick in a desperate attempt at grounding herself.

She finally fell asleep around 5:30 am and she had a horrible nightmare that to prove that she was sorry to Patrick O'brien Doyle she promised to EAT GLASS. But when he refused to forgive her she took shards of glass and sliced open her arms to show the intensity of her sorrow, then she hid her bloody arms from him because she realized this was an irrational decision, but she looked at the cuts in amazement and contemplated on how crazy the act was. Mishaal was in the dream too, and he kept acting very angry and saying terrible hurtful things.

Then at 11:45 she awoke to a text message from Mishaal that said:

Wasn't ignoring you sweetie just went to bed very early last night.

Julia Claire Wallace breathed a sigh of relief and then sunk back into a dream in which Mishaal and Julia were sitting in a beautiful green field laughing and discussing how silly the whole misunderstanding had been.

note: The dream sequence convinced the artist that the experience was most definitely influenced by the pills she was taking.

second note: Patrick O'brien Doyle has still not answered any form of contact. Julia Claire Wallace is still somewhat worried, but fortunately no longer feels like doing any more acts of insanity.

update: Julia stopped by the residence of Patrick O'Brien Doyle to drop off a drawing for him to paint later that week and he said that he didn't answer the texts of Julia Claire Wallace because he was sleepy. But she had a wonderful time relating this story to him and his girlfriend.